Sling It 59

Carlton Paul

June 17, 2008

When the alarm finally bothers to sing it’s tune, I had been lying there for half an hour anticipating it. It’s numbers read 6:50am, but this offers no insight to the timing. My heart racing, I reach for my cock. Running through my mind are thoughts like: don’t use lube, for God’s sake catch it all for that bitchy nurse at UCSF would not approve if any of the few I have end up on the sheets, fuck my back hurts, I wonder if it will work this time, what if it turns out to be twins, How much will college cost in 18 years, do cheerios stain upholstery, what kind of porn should I watch to make a baby??????? Ok, everyone just calm down. If I am going to deliver on time, I must think about butthole. Ok, there we go, some movement. I close my eyes and I think about the beautiful tennis star snuggled up next to me. Yes, this is working. Like an angel sent to help carry my load, he rolls over and says, “Would you like some help?”

I hear myself mutter, “Saliva could hurt the sperm.” Mind you, this is the same brain that brought you columns about watersports, sex parties and spanking. So, bottom line, he graciously kissed my morning mouth and then licked my balls until jr. was in the jar. With an expiration date taunting me, I hurry to deliver my little darlings with-in the alotted hour. The morning was bright and cloudless, as if Jesus himself were staging a comeback. Obviously my savior complex will not subside today.

As my little German Chariot guides me effortlessly to my awaiting baby mama, my mood is pretty light. She opens the door, face flush with beads of perspiration on her brow, with a different look on her lovely face. “I am so nausous. It could be the hormones, but maybe we are pregnant” she stammers. Fuck man, its only 7am. My chest immediately compresses my lungs. I get back in the car, and do the only thing I know to do, call my mother, “Mom, I know it has only been a couple of day/s, and she shouldn’t have morning sickness yet, but Shannon says her stomach is really upset this morning.”

Over the next five minutes she whines about how she was sick every day with my brother and me. She has no idea that I am having a panic attack, because she is so obviously joyous. I make excuses and get off the phone.

Just Breathe. I climb back in the bed and try to snuggle. After a couple of minutes my exploding heart was beginning to annoy McSteamy, and I was longing for my asthma inhaler. A few minutes later I find myself sitting alone it the backyard talking myself down. Since then, I have had a bit of time to think and feel.

To follow are a few of the things that being an “expectant Gay dad” have made me feel and question:

For the last twenty or so years I have had a sexual impulse every 30 seconds or so, now I feel intermittent joy, panic, sex, panic, joy. If anyone tells you that its all rosey, they are lieing. I am very excited, but I also am worried about birth defects, low sperm count, miscarriage, my upholstery, my savings account and the possibility of multiple births.

What if the baby is allergic to the light of my life, my French bulldog? He is my child too.

What kind of porn do you watch to make a baby? My first session, I was watching this bareback s/m movie that was in the dvd player. I actually got up and changed it. I thought maybe I should pray. Note to self: Prayer and orgasms do not really go together. Hot House seemed to dirty, bareback is just asking for trouble… I suggest vintage Falcon.

Now that we have won the right to marry, will it be easier for my child to accept my lifestyle as normal. Do I want my child to see me as normal? What does it mean to be a good dad?

If my baby’s mama falls in love with a man next time, will I be assed out?

Does the ability to pretend including Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny out weigh the deception involved in the game?

I recently took the special lady in my life home to meet my parents. Everyone seemed to wrap their provencial heads around our situation and we are all hoping for a beautiful bouncing bundle of joy next spring. It has been my pleasure writing for Gloss for the last 3 years and hope to offer what I can in the future. My eternal love to Bevin and Joey! My rock, Joe Gallagher has published Sling-It on his leatherpage.com this entire time as well. There are no words to express the support and friendship I have come to lean on from you. Thank you.

It is a new day for us west coast queers. We are allowed new hopes and dreams. Cheers! Have a great gay pride! Until next time…….

Direct S/M questions to CarltonPaul@comcast.net.

If you have an S/M question, email me at Carltonpaul@comcast.net

Coming Soon: Sling It.com

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